Just had my life group meeting tonight, and I came home and opened my bible to this, which relates heavily to our discussion of several of the women's hearts tonight:
NLT version:
John 5:41-42 "Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me, because I know you don't have God's love within you."
So many of us struggle with hearing God's voice in the sea of swimming opinions, advice, and lies from Satan.
This past 6mo to a year I've had my fair share of voices of what I would like to call 'loving fear' from important people in my life who have questioned the path I am on. It takes wisdom and a heart in tune with the Lord to make sure you take into account what needs to be heard and what things are potential road blockers to keep you from walking in faith. I value those words of wisdom from the people God's blessed my life with.... but sometimes you need to pull away from those voices and listen to the only one that matters.
Who's approval are you seeking?
Quote from one of the women tonight, "Its easier to for God to move you when you are already in motion."
Shame.... brokeness.... heartache.... loss.... success.... encouragement.....we all have our own testimony that God has given us to draw us closer, build our faith, and use for His glory!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Locks: Are you in or out?
Ever lock your keys in your car? I'm the person who usually leaves the keys in the ignition, doors unlocked, and I'm open to anyone borrowing my wheels..... So yesterday ... I'm commuting home from my 2 and 1/2 hour weekly visit with Greg. I decide... 'hey.. I really could use a pit stop to empty my 'tank' and hey..while I'm at it... I could check and see if that bar stool that I found on clearance is here at this store so I can purchase a match.' As I pull into the parking lot I get a work phone call regarding a clients behavioral issues, so as I multi-task I finish up the conversation, get out of my car, put phone away, feel for my keys.... realize... I have no keys.... turn around with enough time to hear the locks go 'click'. Here I am... 85 miles away from my 2nd set of keys locked in my apartment... in some suburb along Interstate 69. At this point I realize I left my drivers side window open about two inches.... this is where I attempt inserting my chubby arm. I soon realize this method is not working... so I go inside and purchase this thing...
The WONDER BAR! The lady at the Meijer's checkout looked at me funny when I came through to purchase this and an extremely long metal ruler. She made some comment about doing some 'heavy work' and I responded... 'well actually... I locked my keys in the car'. She said I needed to go get a hanger instead, I told her if this didn't work I'd be back for the hangers in a minute. I head out to the parking lot and start my mission. Before long, I have an audience of encouragers. By my forth attempt I hit the locks and was good to go. One guy says to me 'you're sure a smart one!'.... I responded ...'I'd have been a whole lot smarter had I not locked them in my car in the first place!'.
So thank you WONDER BAR for coming to my rescue....
I've just had the realization that I've not been very good at updating my blog these past few months, so many things keeping me preoccupied here that I seldom have down time to sit and gather my thoughts to share, but its important to give you an update!
I finially feel all settled in my apartment, its nice to have my own place to come home to again, and nice to have some of my own stuff again.
This last week Gregory had his final test for his class he has been taking, and I'm proud to say he got a perfect score! The only one in his class to manage a 100%! So this confirms that he will receive his 90 day time cut! WOOHOOO!!! Beyond excited. We are definiately on the down hill slope of this hurdle. I am very blessed to get to go down to Plainfield once a week to visit him for a 2hr visit (often our visits last a tad longer which is an added bonus). It's so nice to be able to see, touch, and sit across from him to have eye to eye conversations with him. It looks like June 27th ... if not before will be his expected release date, and it could be sooner than this. We are praying that his paperwork and everything gets processed quickly so that nothing is held up in the system to hold him back from getting his early release.
We both know there is a long, difficult road ahead of us and that it will require a lot of work on our parts but we are so excited to continue to move forward on this journey God has brought us on. Very excited to see what the road ahead entails for us.
Interestingly enough.... I find it amusing that God used a locked car door this week to remind me of God's open door policy for us to join Him. Here I am... week after week... waiting, wondering, and trying to get in and of locked spaces while Greg just longs to get out. Freedom is a precious thing, I'm thankful for the freedom I have in Christ. Walking into the prison courtyard and being shut inside layers of gates and doors is not confining because of who I am, free in Christ. Lord thank you for your grace, your love, and the abundant joy you put into my life. Thank you for opening the right doors and closing the wrong ones in my life and pushing me to walk boldy through the gates you have prepared for me.
So thank you WONDER BAR for coming to my rescue....
I've just had the realization that I've not been very good at updating my blog these past few months, so many things keeping me preoccupied here that I seldom have down time to sit and gather my thoughts to share, but its important to give you an update!
I finially feel all settled in my apartment, its nice to have my own place to come home to again, and nice to have some of my own stuff again.
This last week Gregory had his final test for his class he has been taking, and I'm proud to say he got a perfect score! The only one in his class to manage a 100%! So this confirms that he will receive his 90 day time cut! WOOHOOO!!! Beyond excited. We are definiately on the down hill slope of this hurdle. I am very blessed to get to go down to Plainfield once a week to visit him for a 2hr visit (often our visits last a tad longer which is an added bonus). It's so nice to be able to see, touch, and sit across from him to have eye to eye conversations with him. It looks like June 27th ... if not before will be his expected release date, and it could be sooner than this. We are praying that his paperwork and everything gets processed quickly so that nothing is held up in the system to hold him back from getting his early release.
We both know there is a long, difficult road ahead of us and that it will require a lot of work on our parts but we are so excited to continue to move forward on this journey God has brought us on. Very excited to see what the road ahead entails for us.
Interestingly enough.... I find it amusing that God used a locked car door this week to remind me of God's open door policy for us to join Him. Here I am... week after week... waiting, wondering, and trying to get in and of locked spaces while Greg just longs to get out. Freedom is a precious thing, I'm thankful for the freedom I have in Christ. Walking into the prison courtyard and being shut inside layers of gates and doors is not confining because of who I am, free in Christ. Lord thank you for your grace, your love, and the abundant joy you put into my life. Thank you for opening the right doors and closing the wrong ones in my life and pushing me to walk boldy through the gates you have prepared for me.
Friday, April 6, 2012
This week I bought a dress, went to prison, moved into an apartment, and fired a difficult employee.
Well - the last 7 days have been spectacular! My mom flew in last Friday night and we did some shopping for bridal gowns. I found a dress Saturday morning in Indianapolis, it has the BLING I was looking for, along with accomodating the style choices of some of my highly favored friends I polled, and it's strapless to appease Greg's vision. I'm excited to see what it'll look like when it comes in brand new and in my proper size. Dress shopping was fun, but I'm glad that stressor is over with. It was an added bonus to have mom here to show around town and just to talk to about decisions and wedding plans.
Upon arriving home Saturday evening from Indy, I was THRILLED to find a letter from Gregory - inside he had put the slip of paper that said I was approved for visits. He wrote the one liner 'the balls in your court'. We've been waiting for several weeks now to get through the visiting approval process, and this has been one of my top priority prayer requests! So Wednesday morning I flexed out some time from my job and headed down to Plainfield, Indiana to suprise Greg at the Short Term Offender Program.
So - what do you envision as you walk into prison? For my experience - it started in a parking lot where I followed another woman up to a big tall metal gate with the wires across the top. I pressed the button and the lady on the other end says 'state your name'... as I did I heard the gate click open for my passage way up a long paved sidewalk. As I reached towards the crest of the hill I reached another gate with a speaker. As I approached the gate the door automatically was clicked open. I walked through it and climbed the stairs into an historic looking house like building. I followed the arrows that led me to room with a scanner and metal detector. The lady asked for the number of the offender I was visiting and my photo id. As she processed me in, I placed my keys in the locker provided and stepped through the scanner. I then received a visitor badge and was asked to wait in another tiny room. At that point I was escorted with 3 other moms visiting their sons through the building and out onto the prison grounds. As we walked I noted inmates working in various locations throughout the campus : mowing, trimming, taking out trash, etc.... I followed the group as we passed through a third gate with a barbed wire fence on top. We walked across the campus (the facility is located on the grounds of an old boys school) and passed by several buildings. Some of them looking like the dorms for the prisoners, another building labeled the chapel, and we were led into a giant meeting room with vending machines and tables and chairs. We were told what area we could sit in and we waited for our loved ones to arrive.
I was greeted with a long, lingering hug and then a kiss. We got to enjoy an hr and a 1/2 visit and just relish in the freedom of not communicating through a phone or a glass window, it was glorious! We talked, we laughed, and we dreamed. The visit was not near long enough, but we parted remembering that this situation was temporary, I reminded Greg as i departed to 'Stay strong, and remember greater things are yet to come.'
Upon the visitors leaving the room and being escorated across campus and through the multiple gates, I learned that as we were still walking within site, the inmates were being strip searched in the room we had just had our visit in. Greg told me he could see me walking across campus as he was being thoroughly searched for any contraband, etc...
Funny things Greg has learned about prison: people are CREATIVE as you wouldn't believe the things people can make out of nothing. The prison is a smoke free facility, however this certainly isn't the case as bags of tobacco are brought in by staff and sold to inmates, who then internally have their own profit ring as they sell to other inmates within the facility. Staffers look the other way as inmates hideaway in the bathrooms to smoke. Batteries are a hot commodity as 2 Batteries can be stripped and used to make a flame to light their cigarrettes. The list goes on....
Greg has been struggling these last few weeks - he has chosen to isolate himself from the other inmates. He barely talks to anyone just because he feels he's better off this way, if you say the wrong thing things get messy or if you talk to the wrong people, etc... So in his isolation, Satan's been playing with his thoughts. I'm happy to report that following my visit Wednesday and our conversation tonight he's sounding more upbeat and happy.
Monday I interviewed for a position with Indiana Mentor, the job would be a career advancement and a great financial plus. I felt like the interview went really well but won't know anything for at least a week or two as she said they would run references and get our background checks completed before making a decision.
So - All in all - a great week - mom came to visit, I got to see Gregory after several months, found a wedding dress, had a promising job interview, and got posession of my apartment.
Next week will also be full of fun as I fly back to missouri and get to spend time with loved ones, get my hair done, make some more wedding plans, and then pack up my storage unit into a UHAUL to drive on out to Indiana to unpack and get settled. I'm so looking forward to going 'home' this next week.
Thank you for your prayers ~ and your continued prayers on this journey.
Upon arriving home Saturday evening from Indy, I was THRILLED to find a letter from Gregory - inside he had put the slip of paper that said I was approved for visits. He wrote the one liner 'the balls in your court'. We've been waiting for several weeks now to get through the visiting approval process, and this has been one of my top priority prayer requests! So Wednesday morning I flexed out some time from my job and headed down to Plainfield, Indiana to suprise Greg at the Short Term Offender Program.
So - what do you envision as you walk into prison? For my experience - it started in a parking lot where I followed another woman up to a big tall metal gate with the wires across the top. I pressed the button and the lady on the other end says 'state your name'... as I did I heard the gate click open for my passage way up a long paved sidewalk. As I reached towards the crest of the hill I reached another gate with a speaker. As I approached the gate the door automatically was clicked open. I walked through it and climbed the stairs into an historic looking house like building. I followed the arrows that led me to room with a scanner and metal detector. The lady asked for the number of the offender I was visiting and my photo id. As she processed me in, I placed my keys in the locker provided and stepped through the scanner. I then received a visitor badge and was asked to wait in another tiny room. At that point I was escorted with 3 other moms visiting their sons through the building and out onto the prison grounds. As we walked I noted inmates working in various locations throughout the campus : mowing, trimming, taking out trash, etc.... I followed the group as we passed through a third gate with a barbed wire fence on top. We walked across the campus (the facility is located on the grounds of an old boys school) and passed by several buildings. Some of them looking like the dorms for the prisoners, another building labeled the chapel, and we were led into a giant meeting room with vending machines and tables and chairs. We were told what area we could sit in and we waited for our loved ones to arrive.
I was greeted with a long, lingering hug and then a kiss. We got to enjoy an hr and a 1/2 visit and just relish in the freedom of not communicating through a phone or a glass window, it was glorious! We talked, we laughed, and we dreamed. The visit was not near long enough, but we parted remembering that this situation was temporary, I reminded Greg as i departed to 'Stay strong, and remember greater things are yet to come.'
Upon the visitors leaving the room and being escorated across campus and through the multiple gates, I learned that as we were still walking within site, the inmates were being strip searched in the room we had just had our visit in. Greg told me he could see me walking across campus as he was being thoroughly searched for any contraband, etc...
Funny things Greg has learned about prison: people are CREATIVE as you wouldn't believe the things people can make out of nothing. The prison is a smoke free facility, however this certainly isn't the case as bags of tobacco are brought in by staff and sold to inmates, who then internally have their own profit ring as they sell to other inmates within the facility. Staffers look the other way as inmates hideaway in the bathrooms to smoke. Batteries are a hot commodity as 2 Batteries can be stripped and used to make a flame to light their cigarrettes. The list goes on....
Greg has been struggling these last few weeks - he has chosen to isolate himself from the other inmates. He barely talks to anyone just because he feels he's better off this way, if you say the wrong thing things get messy or if you talk to the wrong people, etc... So in his isolation, Satan's been playing with his thoughts. I'm happy to report that following my visit Wednesday and our conversation tonight he's sounding more upbeat and happy.
Monday I interviewed for a position with Indiana Mentor, the job would be a career advancement and a great financial plus. I felt like the interview went really well but won't know anything for at least a week or two as she said they would run references and get our background checks completed before making a decision.
So - All in all - a great week - mom came to visit, I got to see Gregory after several months, found a wedding dress, had a promising job interview, and got posession of my apartment.
Next week will also be full of fun as I fly back to missouri and get to spend time with loved ones, get my hair done, make some more wedding plans, and then pack up my storage unit into a UHAUL to drive on out to Indiana to unpack and get settled. I'm so looking forward to going 'home' this next week.
Thank you for your prayers ~ and your continued prayers on this journey.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
What's shaking this week
Hello hello! I'm just loving this 60-70 degree weather, these are my IDEAL temperatures! I had a perfect walk tonight with Jason/Alicia's dog, I loved having the wind against my face and the moon shining above. Very pretty evening!
Wanted to let you know God's been answering prayers (as he always does!). Greg got to start classes on Tuesday, this puts him right on track to complete their 9 week program and be able to leave June 27th.
In addition, he had asked for prayers on Sunday night as he was really struggling with the evil around him among the men, demeaning comments to staff, rotten attitudes, etc... As many of you know being surrounded by the constant evil can be hard to handle but living with it can be even worse. Greg sounded very discouraged and depressed, sharing about the kind of things he has to listen to as he tries to fall asleep in the dorm at night. He told me all he could do was lay there and 'pray' and try to shut everything else out. After our conversation on Sunday night, he was BLESSED to be able to attend an hour and a half church service Monday afternoon which included praise and worship and a sermon. Greg's been desperate for some praise and worship time, and this was just the boost and answer to prayer he needed to recharge his batteries. He so desires the freedom to again be able to attend a weekly church service, something we often take for granted.
Tonight I finially heard back on the Chiropractic position. My interview with the chiropractor on Friday went well, however I didn't make the cut. I lost out to another applicant who had massage therapy experience. He did tell me he is keeping me at the top of his stack as their may be another opportunity arise in the near future. I feel okay about not getting the position as I was starting to worry about taking the financial cut. I figure God's got me taken care of and he will open and close the right door as opportunities arise.
Sunday I went wedding dress shopping. This was fun and a little surreal. We only hit one store, but I got a better perspective on what kind of dress I want to search for, not its just finding the right one.
I have decided on an apartment, and will get posession on April 2nd. So i'm looking to make a trip back to Missouri the 2nd weekend of April; flying in and renting a uhaul to drive back to Indiana with my 'junk'. Hopefully by April 2013 we'll be packing a UHAUL to move back to the KC, MO area.
I welcome continued prayers for finding the right job, stress relief from current job, and wisdom in decision making. Thanks all!
Wanted to let you know God's been answering prayers (as he always does!). Greg got to start classes on Tuesday, this puts him right on track to complete their 9 week program and be able to leave June 27th.
In addition, he had asked for prayers on Sunday night as he was really struggling with the evil around him among the men, demeaning comments to staff, rotten attitudes, etc... As many of you know being surrounded by the constant evil can be hard to handle but living with it can be even worse. Greg sounded very discouraged and depressed, sharing about the kind of things he has to listen to as he tries to fall asleep in the dorm at night. He told me all he could do was lay there and 'pray' and try to shut everything else out. After our conversation on Sunday night, he was BLESSED to be able to attend an hour and a half church service Monday afternoon which included praise and worship and a sermon. Greg's been desperate for some praise and worship time, and this was just the boost and answer to prayer he needed to recharge his batteries. He so desires the freedom to again be able to attend a weekly church service, something we often take for granted.
Tonight I finially heard back on the Chiropractic position. My interview with the chiropractor on Friday went well, however I didn't make the cut. I lost out to another applicant who had massage therapy experience. He did tell me he is keeping me at the top of his stack as their may be another opportunity arise in the near future. I feel okay about not getting the position as I was starting to worry about taking the financial cut. I figure God's got me taken care of and he will open and close the right door as opportunities arise.
Sunday I went wedding dress shopping. This was fun and a little surreal. We only hit one store, but I got a better perspective on what kind of dress I want to search for, not its just finding the right one.
I have decided on an apartment, and will get posession on April 2nd. So i'm looking to make a trip back to Missouri the 2nd weekend of April; flying in and renting a uhaul to drive back to Indiana with my 'junk'. Hopefully by April 2013 we'll be packing a UHAUL to move back to the KC, MO area.
I welcome continued prayers for finding the right job, stress relief from current job, and wisdom in decision making. Thanks all!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Living outside of the box
Hello!! -
I've been a little negligent of updating this fun little writing outlet for myself. I really enjoy sitting down to think through my thoughts and sharing what's on my heart. However, lately I've felt like I've been in constant motion that there has not been much time to be still. So, that's what I've really been challenging myself these past few weeks, as I re-evaluate some of my current situations. I absolutely LOVE how God uses songs, sermons, people, etc... to communicate exactly what I need to hear. This verse from a few weeks ago was perfect:
We live in such a high paced connected society that sometimes we forget to step back, retreat, and just BE STILL away from all the hustle and bustle of our lives.
So, that being said I have really been evaluating my current position and how much stress, hours I have to work, and very poor pay. I'm to the point in life where I'm not willing to have my job be my life, and thats what this job is starting to require of me. Really like many aspects of my position, but there are many others that just frustrate me. So, I've been in the search process for something different. This past week I applied and interviewed for a Chiropractic Therapy Assistant Position. It sounds perfect and right up my alley of enjoyment. I have my 2nd interview on Friday with the chiropractor, so it will be interesting to see if he is someone I can see myself working alongside. This job consists of working M-Th, and would offer me the pleasure of being able to leave my 'work' at work and to come home or go to another PT job without the stress of being on call all the time. So, I've been in prayer about this process, decisions that this could lead to, and just being able to find enjoyment in a job here.
I finially got to talk to Greg a week ago Friday, on 2/24/2012, as he was moved to his official site location of where he will serve out his time. I love our letters back and forth, but there is something so nice in being able to have those real time conversations back and forth without the snail mail lag in communication. He is doing AWESOME and is in great, high spirits in his location. Something that I ask for prayers for him for is endurance and strength. He shared with me that in the first 15 minutes of being in this facility - the Short Term Offender Program - he had the opportunity to drink alcohol, smoke weed, smoke cigarrettes, etc... Crazy the stuff that you can get away with in prison.
One of the BLESSINGS and exciting things we have learned is that Greg is able to knock off 3 months of his sentence by being involved in their classes at the program. This puts him being done with everything on June 27th. We are in prayer that he can move forward and start classes as soon as possible, as right now he is just waiting for them to allow him to start. Another blessing is that once we get all the paperwork done, and me approved as a visitor, then I can go and see him 1x a week and we can have 2hr visits. One of the downfalls is he is 134 miles away, which isn't forever away, but it is a significant trip back and forth.
Due to Greg's earlier release date, we've discussed at length when we want to get married, and we both agree that we want to do it this fall. So, I guess its safe to tell you all that I'm getting married. Most likely the end of October, we are looking at the 20th or 27th, and looking at some Kansas City location options. I know this causes many mixed reactions from people, most of them concerned that we are rushing things, or that it would be better to wait awhile after Greg is out and had time to prove himself accountable. I know in my heart, and believe that this is who and where God wants me. We could wait to appease everyone else comfortable about our decision, but bottom line is that we both feel that God's got us both in the palm of his hands and he's going to guide and protect us in this decision.
As Greg and I discuss the reactions various people are making to me, we both are very real about the situation. He most of all understands peoples reservations towards him and his past, but he knows that he has never been at this place in his heart and his faith.
So I ask.... What is faith? It's not easy to get out of the box, but man does it feel good to live within the center of God's will. Will we make mistakes - most definiately - but that's going to be okay because it is in our weaknesses that God draws us closer to Him and teaches us.
So... here I sit with 3 things on my heart and mind: Job decisions, Moving / decisions on when to get my apartment and move my stuff from Missouri, and planning a wedding from a few states away.
I've been a little negligent of updating this fun little writing outlet for myself. I really enjoy sitting down to think through my thoughts and sharing what's on my heart. However, lately I've felt like I've been in constant motion that there has not been much time to be still. So, that's what I've really been challenging myself these past few weeks, as I re-evaluate some of my current situations. I absolutely LOVE how God uses songs, sermons, people, etc... to communicate exactly what I need to hear. This verse from a few weeks ago was perfect:
The Message's version 46:10 "Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything."
We live in such a high paced connected society that sometimes we forget to step back, retreat, and just BE STILL away from all the hustle and bustle of our lives.
So, that being said I have really been evaluating my current position and how much stress, hours I have to work, and very poor pay. I'm to the point in life where I'm not willing to have my job be my life, and thats what this job is starting to require of me. Really like many aspects of my position, but there are many others that just frustrate me. So, I've been in the search process for something different. This past week I applied and interviewed for a Chiropractic Therapy Assistant Position. It sounds perfect and right up my alley of enjoyment. I have my 2nd interview on Friday with the chiropractor, so it will be interesting to see if he is someone I can see myself working alongside. This job consists of working M-Th, and would offer me the pleasure of being able to leave my 'work' at work and to come home or go to another PT job without the stress of being on call all the time. So, I've been in prayer about this process, decisions that this could lead to, and just being able to find enjoyment in a job here.
I finially got to talk to Greg a week ago Friday, on 2/24/2012, as he was moved to his official site location of where he will serve out his time. I love our letters back and forth, but there is something so nice in being able to have those real time conversations back and forth without the snail mail lag in communication. He is doing AWESOME and is in great, high spirits in his location. Something that I ask for prayers for him for is endurance and strength. He shared with me that in the first 15 minutes of being in this facility - the Short Term Offender Program - he had the opportunity to drink alcohol, smoke weed, smoke cigarrettes, etc... Crazy the stuff that you can get away with in prison.
One of the BLESSINGS and exciting things we have learned is that Greg is able to knock off 3 months of his sentence by being involved in their classes at the program. This puts him being done with everything on June 27th. We are in prayer that he can move forward and start classes as soon as possible, as right now he is just waiting for them to allow him to start. Another blessing is that once we get all the paperwork done, and me approved as a visitor, then I can go and see him 1x a week and we can have 2hr visits. One of the downfalls is he is 134 miles away, which isn't forever away, but it is a significant trip back and forth.
Due to Greg's earlier release date, we've discussed at length when we want to get married, and we both agree that we want to do it this fall. So, I guess its safe to tell you all that I'm getting married. Most likely the end of October, we are looking at the 20th or 27th, and looking at some Kansas City location options. I know this causes many mixed reactions from people, most of them concerned that we are rushing things, or that it would be better to wait awhile after Greg is out and had time to prove himself accountable. I know in my heart, and believe that this is who and where God wants me. We could wait to appease everyone else comfortable about our decision, but bottom line is that we both feel that God's got us both in the palm of his hands and he's going to guide and protect us in this decision.
As Greg and I discuss the reactions various people are making to me, we both are very real about the situation. He most of all understands peoples reservations towards him and his past, but he knows that he has never been at this place in his heart and his faith.
So I ask.... What is faith? It's not easy to get out of the box, but man does it feel good to live within the center of God's will. Will we make mistakes - most definiately - but that's going to be okay because it is in our weaknesses that God draws us closer to Him and teaches us.
So... here I sit with 3 things on my heart and mind: Job decisions, Moving / decisions on when to get my apartment and move my stuff from Missouri, and planning a wedding from a few states away.
Psalm 37:23 "The steps of the Godly are directed by the Lord, He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Wanting His Will, Not Mine...
Lots of thoughts running through my head, as I try and figure out what I want to say. I've had some very emotional low points these past couple of weeks, reaching points of sheer frustration and anger at the way things have been going .... at work, at home, in my head.... Satan has definiately been pushing me down. But I know, no matter what tricks Satan tries to play... I am going to come out the winner in the end.
Psalm 33:4 'For the word of the Lord holds true, and EVERYTHING he does is worthy of our trust.'
I guess my low points started last weekend when every single time Greg called me, our conversations were filled with a static filled phone line. When you are limited to those precious few minutes together on the phone, its really frustrating when that little bit of communication is taken away from you. I was so mad and angry, and there was nothing I could do about it but pray. Pray for this trial in my life, pray that I was able to have 1 clear conversation, pray for Greg. You see... the past 2 weeks we have been playing the waiting game, not knowing when he was going to be transferred to the Reception Diagnostic Center in Plainfield. All we knew was that they would come in the middle of the night to start processing him out of the county jail and get him transferred. Once transferred he would under go psychiatric tests, etc... and they would review his records and determine placement of where he will serve out his remaining 7 and a 1/2 months of jail time. Once he was gone - we knew we would not be able to talk from anywhere to a week to four weeks depending on how long it took to place him somewhere. So... for two weeks we left the end of our phone calls with the thoughts that they could come and get him tonight. Greg has actually been really excited about leaving, and looking forward to prison as suprisingly it is much better and more highly favored than the county jail. Who knew?! The Lord answered my prayers Monday night (after I had an emotional Sunday of bawling about my situation....) and I had an awesome, clear, and pleasant phone call with Greg. I found out Tuesday afternoon that he was transferred out, which was an answer to our prayers as well.
Work has been a constant rollar coaster of events and issues popping up. Staff getting sick, residents requiring trips to the doctor or emergency room, etc... So that has added to my frustration levels. Last Saturday I had to work a few hours, and got called on Sunday... and pretty much every night this week. I definiately HATE being on call for work. I've started to question if my 'sniffing' job has ruined be for life or if God is just preparing me for something more. My job isn't satisfying me. I mean I love my residents, and I'm GREAT at what I do in the field, but I just want MORE. I think I mostly want a job that I can leave at work at the end of the day, or I want to be out pursuing my passions. What that is..... God knows... not sure I even do yet... but I wouldn't be suprised if it involved impacted the Kingdom in some way. I don't have much fruit in my life right now - I've been missing my 'community' of Bethany - my involvement in church, connections to people, physical proximity to loved ones.
The icing on the cake this week for me was thinking I had worked things out to 'roadtrip' back to Missouri / Nebraska with Jason/Alicia on Thursday for the weekend (they had to head to Omaha for a funeral). I had everything worked out, and then Wednesday afternoon I learn that we had nobody to be 'on call' for my job as my co-partner manager had a show Friday evening, my boss was booked covering two other houses, and the other girl I asked couldn't do it either. Just when I thought I was going to get a ray of light and be rejuvinated by my spending some quality time with my loved ones I have that door shut. Bummed.... I was totally disappointed and frustrated. Perhaps though... time alone is just what I've needed to recharge my batteries. I've had the house to myself since Tuesday, and a 2nd house to myself since Thursday (plus 2 dogs).... So I've taken full advantage to having the spaces to spread out, crank up some tunes, and take a refreshing bubble bath. It's been good to have my own space again, I forgot how much I enjoy my own time. So.... despite my desires for community, God's given me solitude and time to sit and relax in His presence. Just what I needed.
Still working on the 'forming connections' here in Indiana's piece of the puzzle. I had to miss my Life group's first meeting Thursday night because I was stuck at the hospital dealing with work. Its hard to form relationships when work interferes with developing those connections.
Another thought running through my head is 'this is only temporary' so why set down roots? In my mind, I've already started counting down the approximate length of time I'll be living here in Indiana. That's right... this was a short term move. Greg and I want to be back living in the Kansas City / Nebraska area by next April'ish', after we are married. Yes.... married... we are looking at Jan/Feb of 2013 to become husband and wife. If Greg would have it his way, we'd be married sooner, but we will see where God has us.
I know to many of you I probably sound extreme and lost, but all I can tell you is that God is guiding my heart. Crazy Faith ~ sometimes you gotta jump and just TRUST the voice telling you to DO IT. I can't deny that God wanted me here in Indiana, but at times my current perspective is clouded by all the road blocks that have been put up since arriving.
My prayers have often been that God hear the desires of my heart, and let MY desires be in line with HIS WILL. I know God desires to give us those dreams we have, but those are not always what He knows is best for us from His perspective. Today as I was reading in Matthew, this verse stood out to me:
Matt 26:39 'He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground, praying "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I WANT YOUR WILL, NOT MINE....." '
This was Jesus' praying before he went to suffer for All of us on the cross. Prostrate before the Lord he begs for the possibilities to not go through what he is about to go through, but still he knows his Father knows what is best. Even though I have my desires, and I hate this time of 'waiting' and seperation, I know My Father knows what is best for me. I DO want His Will and I do trust my Father.
Psalm 33:4 'For the word of the Lord holds true, and EVERYTHING he does is worthy of our trust.'
I guess my low points started last weekend when every single time Greg called me, our conversations were filled with a static filled phone line. When you are limited to those precious few minutes together on the phone, its really frustrating when that little bit of communication is taken away from you. I was so mad and angry, and there was nothing I could do about it but pray. Pray for this trial in my life, pray that I was able to have 1 clear conversation, pray for Greg. You see... the past 2 weeks we have been playing the waiting game, not knowing when he was going to be transferred to the Reception Diagnostic Center in Plainfield. All we knew was that they would come in the middle of the night to start processing him out of the county jail and get him transferred. Once transferred he would under go psychiatric tests, etc... and they would review his records and determine placement of where he will serve out his remaining 7 and a 1/2 months of jail time. Once he was gone - we knew we would not be able to talk from anywhere to a week to four weeks depending on how long it took to place him somewhere. So... for two weeks we left the end of our phone calls with the thoughts that they could come and get him tonight. Greg has actually been really excited about leaving, and looking forward to prison as suprisingly it is much better and more highly favored than the county jail. Who knew?! The Lord answered my prayers Monday night (after I had an emotional Sunday of bawling about my situation....) and I had an awesome, clear, and pleasant phone call with Greg. I found out Tuesday afternoon that he was transferred out, which was an answer to our prayers as well.
Work has been a constant rollar coaster of events and issues popping up. Staff getting sick, residents requiring trips to the doctor or emergency room, etc... So that has added to my frustration levels. Last Saturday I had to work a few hours, and got called on Sunday... and pretty much every night this week. I definiately HATE being on call for work. I've started to question if my 'sniffing' job has ruined be for life or if God is just preparing me for something more. My job isn't satisfying me. I mean I love my residents, and I'm GREAT at what I do in the field, but I just want MORE. I think I mostly want a job that I can leave at work at the end of the day, or I want to be out pursuing my passions. What that is..... God knows... not sure I even do yet... but I wouldn't be suprised if it involved impacted the Kingdom in some way. I don't have much fruit in my life right now - I've been missing my 'community' of Bethany - my involvement in church, connections to people, physical proximity to loved ones.
The icing on the cake this week for me was thinking I had worked things out to 'roadtrip' back to Missouri / Nebraska with Jason/Alicia on Thursday for the weekend (they had to head to Omaha for a funeral). I had everything worked out, and then Wednesday afternoon I learn that we had nobody to be 'on call' for my job as my co-partner manager had a show Friday evening, my boss was booked covering two other houses, and the other girl I asked couldn't do it either. Just when I thought I was going to get a ray of light and be rejuvinated by my spending some quality time with my loved ones I have that door shut. Bummed.... I was totally disappointed and frustrated. Perhaps though... time alone is just what I've needed to recharge my batteries. I've had the house to myself since Tuesday, and a 2nd house to myself since Thursday (plus 2 dogs).... So I've taken full advantage to having the spaces to spread out, crank up some tunes, and take a refreshing bubble bath. It's been good to have my own space again, I forgot how much I enjoy my own time. So.... despite my desires for community, God's given me solitude and time to sit and relax in His presence. Just what I needed.
Still working on the 'forming connections' here in Indiana's piece of the puzzle. I had to miss my Life group's first meeting Thursday night because I was stuck at the hospital dealing with work. Its hard to form relationships when work interferes with developing those connections.
Another thought running through my head is 'this is only temporary' so why set down roots? In my mind, I've already started counting down the approximate length of time I'll be living here in Indiana. That's right... this was a short term move. Greg and I want to be back living in the Kansas City / Nebraska area by next April'ish', after we are married. Yes.... married... we are looking at Jan/Feb of 2013 to become husband and wife. If Greg would have it his way, we'd be married sooner, but we will see where God has us.
I know to many of you I probably sound extreme and lost, but all I can tell you is that God is guiding my heart. Crazy Faith ~ sometimes you gotta jump and just TRUST the voice telling you to DO IT. I can't deny that God wanted me here in Indiana, but at times my current perspective is clouded by all the road blocks that have been put up since arriving.
My prayers have often been that God hear the desires of my heart, and let MY desires be in line with HIS WILL. I know God desires to give us those dreams we have, but those are not always what He knows is best for us from His perspective. Today as I was reading in Matthew, this verse stood out to me:
Matt 26:39 'He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground, praying "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I WANT YOUR WILL, NOT MINE....." '
This was Jesus' praying before he went to suffer for All of us on the cross. Prostrate before the Lord he begs for the possibilities to not go through what he is about to go through, but still he knows his Father knows what is best. Even though I have my desires, and I hate this time of 'waiting' and seperation, I know My Father knows what is best for me. I DO want His Will and I do trust my Father.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Pam... will write soon.... please be patient.
Pam told me yesterday I needed update so she could continue to staulk me.... well .... thanks for the encouragement Pam, I was beginning to believe nobody was reading my posts.
So..... just so you know - I appreciate the comments and feedback, even if you are just out to staulk me.
New post coming soon... hoping to have some time tomorrow to sit down and fill you in on the lastest scoop. For now... I gotta be up at 5am, so I'm choosing to catch some ZZzzz's. Night ya'll - and God Bless!
So..... just so you know - I appreciate the comments and feedback, even if you are just out to staulk me.
New post coming soon... hoping to have some time tomorrow to sit down and fill you in on the lastest scoop. For now... I gotta be up at 5am, so I'm choosing to catch some ZZzzz's. Night ya'll - and God Bless!
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